Winters are for Fake Tanner

You remember those showers you took before a date when things were hot and heavy with your man? You know the ones, stop judging me. You shaved it all and did it with such intention. No Hair Left Behind. Your razor never saw such action as the action it saw when you had plans. The list of places you shave went from like two to eight. I’ll let you do the guessing if I have a few more than you. Everything was scrubbed, exfoliated, and left shiny and pristine. If you died and there was an autopsy, it would appear as though the pedicure gal actually pedicured your entire body with that little scrubber brush. Your body was smoother than a baby’s behind when you stepped out of that shower and proceeded to raid your closet for the next hour in search of the perfect outfit. Your skin was smooth like silk, milk, velvet, rain water, Obama’s voice, soft serve ice cream from McDonalds…or wherevs. It was ready to take on the world.

Multiply that times a bazillion and that’s what you need to do before you apply sunless (fake…and that’s how it will be referred from here on out) tanner.

Step 1 Complete

My arm is not actually that fat. And clearly I did not clean my mirror for this. Household chores is another blog, so bye.

I’ve been a Tan Wise lover for a couple of years now. I actually thought Tan Wise is what I ordered but lo and behold, it’s FakeBake because I’m usually doing twelve things at once. Such is life… This is my second go round with FakeBake spray and I didn’t even realize it until I started writing this blog. Took a picture (because social media is lyfe) of the box for Snap Chat, Insta, this blog, actually put it on my body and STILL did not realize it’s FakeBake and not Tan Wise until now. Y’all I need an intervention. The other day I pumped gas, drove off, and five miles down the highway realized that I didn’t actually have any gas. Da hell? But back to my glistening tan…

The first time I used FakeBake spray I wasn’t a fan of how it went on. I felt very speckle-dy. I’m not sure if I just took a better shower this time or if they’ve improved their formula but it was TOTALLY different this time?! Which may also be why I didn’t realize I bought the wrong thing. Insert eye roll.

$12.95 on Amazon.

Wear gloves if you use the mousse or lotion. If you don’t wear gloves, you need a sponge with a bristly side and soap ASAP. Scrub your palms and in between your fingers like you just murdered someone.  If you opt for the spray, you want to apply it in your shower or tub because look…

Poor little bathtub monsters got a tan also

Don’t worry, it rinses right off. That’s not a problem at all. But wow!

The spray goes on surprisingly well. But there are inevitably going to be some places that need smoothed out a bit. Usually the areas the spray first hit your skin and where you stopped. So y’all know I’m super sophisticated and fancy…The best thing I’ve found for smoothing it out…

You can’t do anything alone in my house.

That’s right, a panty liner. It doesn’t take much smoothing at all, really. Just go over the areas that are a little darker very lightly. Think back to the way y’all explain to me how to blend in your contour and concealer. That’s how you blend in your fake tan.

And voila! tanningbeforeandafter

Overall opinion: The spray is good for getting it on fast but isn’t as dark as the lotion or the mousses that I’ve used in the same brand of this spray and also Tan Wise. However, it’s still a really good tan and I’ll probably use the spray more than the mousse for the sole reason that it’s easier to apply, a much quicker process, and blends better. When I apply the mousse I’ll be sure to update this blog with before & after shots as well.

I’ve been applying fake tanner since I was in High School. I’ve used a LOT of brands. Ladies, don’t waste your money on the brands you can get at your local drug store. It’s so not worth it. For a few extra bucks you can get FakeBake or Tan Wise and the color is prettier, darker, smells better and lasts longer.

For real–the picture doesn’t do the tan justice. I look much darker in person. My bathroom lighting is briiiiight.

Ignore my hideous nails. I took the picture like this so you can see my hands are perfectly even. I don’t look like I’ve been wiping orange turds between my fingers.

So go get ya tan on, right meow.


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